Watch: Newbie singers find their voice in Telford

Clearly, the Telfordaires barbershop group had never experienced my vocal talents, writes Mark Andrews.

Now, I'm not really one for singing, something which people are generally pretty glad about. But when somebody egged me on into having a go at karaoke on New Year's Eve at a pub in Bridgnorth many years ago, it didn't go down especially well. Let's just say the landlord called a halt to the session pretty soon afterwards.

Still, if the Telfordaires say they can teach anyone to sing in a day, it would be rude to not put it to the test, wouldn't it?

So here we are at Old Hall School in Wellington, where the group is holding an open day where some of the top barbershop singers will train me and four others in how to sing up to performance standard.

Just chatting to some of the others during the interval, though, it does seem my fellow newbies are providing the experts with slightly better raw material to work with.

For example, Tony Watson, aged 73, from Ashley, near Market Drayton, has many years of singing experience under his belt.

"I'm in a church choir, and I wanted to try something other than church music," he says. "I also used to be in another choir in Eccleshall."

Semi-retired estate agent Ian Cope was encouraged to join by his wife.

"I've always liked singing, mainly in the bath these days," says the 62-year-old from Trench. "Many years ago, as a youngster, I used to sing in the chapel choir, and I've always been interested in music."

Somehow, it looks like I could be the weak link in this group.

Nevertheless, the coaches should know their stuff. Lead singer Duncan Whinyates, bass Andy 'Fun' Funnell and tenor Andy 'Foz' Foster make up three quarters of Reckless, ranked the 21st best barbershop quartet in the world, representing Britain at the International Quartet Contest in the US in July.

"We've represented the UK for the last two years," says Foz, who runs a carpet-cleaning business.

The fourth coach is the aptly named Rob Barber, who will be teaching lead vocals. Rob, who is 41, first started barbershop singing in his native Sheffield at the age of 13.

"Our job is to train people to be as confident as possible, and then bring out the voices so that they sound the best they possibly can," says Rob.

The first job is deciding which of the four parts I want to try. Bass is too low for my voice, and tenor too high. "If you're somewhere in between those two ranges, you could sing the lead vocals. Or if you have a musical ear, and are up for a challenge, you could try the baritone," says musical director Andy Funnell.

Lead it is then.

Actually, the lead vocals can be a double-edged sword. On the one hand, it means singing the more familiar melody, but it also means having to learn the entire words to a song, rather than the 'doots' and 'dums' of the backing singers.

My attention is drawn to a giant pack of water bottles, and it quickly emerges that they are one of the essential tools of the trade. It's thirsty work, barbershop singing.

Duncan tells us that posture is critical, as I casually lean up against the barrier on the edge of the stage.

"If you were playing the trombone, and are waving it up and down, it will affect the sound," he says. "It's the same with your voice." Duncan's tip is to stand with your knees slightly bent, with your head tilted forward.

"Try to look condescendingly down at those in front of you, like you're peering over the rim of your glasses," he says. For some reason, that bit comes pretty easily. Not so natural is getting the right tone during a few practice turns of singing the children's rhyme Rose Red.

"I have heard football songs sung with less aggression," says Duncan. "You must really, really hate her."

Duncan explains that the aim should be to seamlessly change from one note to the next, creating a rich, round tune: "You want it to sound less like you're playing the xylophone, more like a smooth violin."

A few attempts at the opening lines of Monty Python's Always Look On The Bright Side of Life, which we will be performing at the end of the day, go down reasonably well, but it's then that it becomes complicated.

Controlling one's breathing is crucial, says Andy. Take a deep breath before the start of the song, and do not breathe in again until the word 'curse' at the end of the third line. Then hold your breath until the end of the fifth line, when you are free to take a breather once more. What could be simpler? And we are encouraged to do hand movements during the whistled chorus line.

With practice, it is easy to remember all these techniques. And after a few rehearsals, it is not too difficult to remember the words. But all at once? That is a tall order. Fortunately, I'm not alone in my predicament, with the group going quiet at certain points of the song.

After six hours of training, the moment of truth arrives as friends and family filter into the hall to hear the performance. Can the Telfordaires really teach anyone to sing in a day? Even me? Andy seems to be back-tracking.

"I think I may have been misquoted by our chairman in the press release," he says. Hmm, I thought as much. But then he adds: "You've all achieved it anyway."

And you know what? It wasn't a bad effort. The video footage brings mirth back at the office, but to paraphrase Eric Idle, I remind colleagues that the "last laugh is on you".

Duncan seems quietly impressed too. "I know you have just come for today, but you've done really well, you've got a good voice," he says.

* The Telfordaires meet at Old Hall School, Wellington, at 7.30pm every Wednesday. For more information call 0845 463 1618 or see www.telfordaires.co.uk