Travel review: Rhine and Moselle river cruise
Bar manager Farhan is skilfully juggling three vodka bottles to Lou Bega's Mambo No. 5.
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There's loud clapping and cheering as he expertly lands one on his forearm. A hilarious sketch then follows when the maître d' dons a blonde wig to play the part of a receptionist dealing with a guest reluctant to pay their bill. We're watching a show put on by the crew of MS Inspire and dubbed 'the best show on the Rhine and Moselle' – and this 13-day luxury Tauck voyage is arguably the best cruise on the Rhine and Moselle.
Yes, it's all aboard for the trip of a lifetime that takes in Switzerland, France, Germany, Luxembourg and The Netherlands.
Embarkation is at Three Countries Corner in Basel, the spot where France, Germany and Switzerland meet. Basel is Switzerland's third largest city and while not picture postcard – there are no snow-capped mountains here – a guided walking tour reveals a city steeped in culture and history. Landmarks not to be missed are the cathedral and imposing town hall, with its distinctive red sandstone facade.
That evening Captain Liemberg, a jolly, bespectacled Dutchman, toasts guests at his welcome cocktail reception. "Proost," he says, raising a glass.
What makes this Tauck cruise so special is the entire crew. Nothing is too much trouble. When we ask our room attendant for extra bottled water to be left in the cabin's complimentary mini-bar (replenished daily) he obliges. When we ask the receptionist if lunch can be brought to our cabin, she promptly arranges it. Crew members always have a smile on their face and take great pride.
At capacity the ship accommodates 130 passengers compared to other riverboats of the same size which cater for 190 passengers. It means you experience a much more intimate atmosphere on a Tauck trip.
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With a lower overall capacity Tauck is also able to outfit each vessel with a far higher percentage of suites, designed with space and comfort in mind. Ours features a floor to ceiling balcony window through which we gaze at turreted castles and gothic churches.
The interior is so plush it would be easy to spend time simply relaxing in it. Mirrored bathroom cabinets with built-in lighting and a rainfall shower are luxury touches and you can slip on a bathrobe, sink into sateen sheets and watch a movie on demand.
But with so many on shore excursions to places including Heidelberg, Cochem and Germany's oldest city Trier, there's little time for luxuriating.
The fashionable spa town of Baden-Baden famed for its bathing, is also on the itinerary. Baden-Baden's curative waters have attracted royals, the rich and celebrities. But there was no way I was taking the plunge by going for a nude dip! If stripping off in front of strangers is not your thing either, you can visit the Kurhaus casino described by Marlene Dietrich as 'the most beautiful in the world'.
Then meander along quaint, cobbled streets and sample a slice of Black Forest cake named after the region.
The aroma of freshly baked baguettes wafts deliciously from the pâtisseries in Strasbourg.
There is a strong Germanic influence on the architecture found in the Alsace region of France and tourists stop to photograph the half-timbered houses.
Back on board and we are treated to a performance of Alsatian Folkloric dancing. There are whoops when one of the traditionally dressed ladies gives us a peek of her petticoat and bloomers. Then we find ourselves linking arms with our fellow passengers and singing eins, zwei, drei, hoopla!
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A delectable dinner follows in the Compass Rose restaurant where an À la carte menu is served.
We feast like kings too at Reichenstein Castle, a medieval fortress overlooking the Rhine. Our excellent tour director Anke is dressed like a vampire and recounts the spine-tingling tale of the headless man reputed to haunt the castle. With its dark stone facade, narrow windows and moose heads mounted on every wall, it is truly atmospheric. The castle is exclusively ours for the evening, to explore its labyrinthine corridors before a private dinner in the grounds. It's insider access like this that makes Tauck – a US based family firm – stand out from its competitors.
It's also the higher crew to passenger ratio. There are four directors on board – ensuring our journey is as smooth as the waters we glide on.
It's a slightly more bumpy ride when I get in the saddle at the Hoge Veluwe National Park, near Arnhem, in The Netherlands. We are in the grounds of the visitor centre from where it's a short ride to the Kröller-Müller Museum – which houses the second largest Van Gogh collection in the world – and despite not having cycled for many years, I give it a go.
Cyclists pretty much rule in Amsterdam but beware the 'killer bikes'. Our guide quips that it's become 'a hobby to run over the tourist'. The excursion to this most fascinating of European cities begins with a visit to the Rijksmuseum where masterpieces by Rembrandt are among treasures on show.
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The highlight, however, is a boat trip on the canals which Amsterdam is famed for. I crane my neck to glimpse some of the 2,500 houseboats moored in the Dutch capital. Our guide helpfully explains the difference between a café and a coffee shop – the latter being somewhere people visit for something a little more potent than a caffeine fix!
Coffee, tea, wine, beer and even Champagne – the drinks flow thanks to unlimited complimentary beverages. All-inclusive pricing means no extra charges for shore excursions, gratuities or airport transfers.
On an afternoon cruising along the Moselle, I sit in the Panorama lounge which affords views of a vine-covered landscape. I read my copy of Board News, the personalised daily news sheet delivered to each cabin. 'The top news of the day for Miss Loat' it says on the front.
The headline should read: Tauck trip a triumph!
By Heather Loat