England's Greatest Goals - TV review

Pay close attention to this review, because you'll need it in years to come as the answer to this quiz question in pubs across the country.

"Which TV show has broken up more relationships than any other?"

Because after 12 straight days of football from Poland and Ukraine, it's a brave man that picks up the remote on the thirteenth, sees a programme called 'England's Greatest Goals' and settles down to that for the evening.

Frankly, Mrs N couldn't have been less impressed if she'd tuned into Take Me Out and seen me trying my luck on-screen with 30 single young ladies.

Her reaction as I hid the remote and made my excuses went as follows: "I've had to put up with football for the last 12 days and on the one day off I can't watch anything I want to either. Couldn't you have just said no?"

Fortunately she then went into autopilot, slumping off for a soak in the tub to leave me and and the football to it.

The risks I take for you, eh?

For anyone stupid enough to risk their relationship for a clip show though, this trip down memory lane was the perfect thing to get you in the mood for the business end of the European Championships.

Paul Gascoigne's moment of genius against Scotland, Geoff Hurst's World Cup winner and John Barnes dribbling through the entire Brazilian defence – yes, it's fair to say that Wayne Rooney's finish from two yards on Tuesday night wasn't up there with the best goals that England have ever scored.

But when it takes you through to the last eight of a major competition then nobody minds too much – Euro 2012 and Wazza may not yet be able to compete with 1966 and Bobby Moore, but three more wins and Roy's boys will be featuring highly on shows like this for years to come.

Back to reality, though, and ITV's reserve presenter Matt Smith, who pops up every now and again when the main men are on holiday, does a decent job of setting the scene and cranking up the nostalgia for an hour of goals, goals, goals.

You'd have to be pretty football-mad to have tuned in, but even if you're not then it's still amusing to see a young Frank Lampard looking starstruck by Paul Ince and Jamie Redknapp, Gary Lineker in an eighties pair of short shorts and heart-throb David Beckham sporting an impressive set of nineties curtains.

I'd asked my better half to confirm this, but she couldn't hear me over the hair dryer. At least that's what she said.

But any opportunity to watch Michael Owen dance his way through the Argentinian defence at the 1998 World Cup again simply has to be taken.

Not to mention the efforts from Ray Wilkins, Glenn Hoddle, Teddy Sheringham and Trevor Brooking. England's Greatest Goals certainly did what it said on the tin.

And by the time Mrs N had finished pampering/signing up for Internet dating, just in time to see pin-up boy Becks curl in a trademark free-kick against Greece, it seemed as though I might just have gotten away with it.

So we haven't become just another statistic in the pub quiz question of the future. Yet.

It's alright, though. We've got Portugal against the Czech Republic to look forward to tonight . . .

Todd Nash