Whatever happened to just saying 'no' to kids
OK, I admit it. In my early days, I was a pest, a nag, a nuisance. I would whine and whinge to my poor parents in a desperate bid to get any sort of treat or present.
My mission included the following: A 10p mix every Friday after swimming; a Bart Simpson doll from the newsagents up the road; a cuddly towelling whale from Mothercare; Mr Frosty; a plastic red and yellow car from Early Learning Centre.
However, despite my best efforts and the mother of all temper tantrums when it came to the whale, the only things I actually got were a telling off and the odd slap round the legs.
Don't judge Mummy and Daddy Joyce, I was a nightmare, I deserved it.
Basically, I was told, in no uncertain terms, "NO!". And it worked. That was that. End.
Which is why I'm slightly baffled by this new bid to ban payday loan adverts during kids' TV.
I'm sorry, but if your seven-year-old can bully you into taking out a £500 loan, you've got serious problems my friend.
Red Ed wants the ads banned. Apparently the prospect of short-term, high-interest credit sends children into a frenzy. A state of extreme excitement not seen since One Direction's Liam Payne walked through the Mander Centre all by himself.
Well I don't believe it for a second.
Toys, sweets, junk food, computer games? Sure, I'm absolutely convinced ads for these items can brainwash children and turn them into super-nags.
In fact, I know this to be true because the commercial for Picnic Sindy in the early 90s almost caused my head to explode with overwhelming feelings of desire and excitement.
But payday loans? Come off it.
No six-year-old wants a payday loan. No six-year-old understands what a payday loan is.
And, if by some miracle, they do figure it all out and start bugging you to take out £750 with an APR of 5853 per cent, why not just explain to your genius offspring that they're a rip-off and there's no way it's going to happen? Go on, try a bit of responsible parenting.
Pester Power, Miliband's branded it (even though 86 per cent of parents surveyed said their kids had never bugged them to take out a loan).
Well what about No Power?
Whatever happened to mum and dad just saying "no" and that being the end of it?
Advertising is a crooked, soulless business, we all know that.
Anyone who expects this rotten industry to behave itself is kidding themselves.
But, having said that, it's not down to the ad business to raise people's kids. Do that yourself. And if they bug you about some wildly inappropriate item, it's your job to say no and educate them as to why.
It's not the job of the advertisers, it's not the job of Ed Miliband, it's yours and yours alone.
Money expert Martin Lewis says "30 per cent of children under 10 are repeating advertising slogans from payday loans companies". So what? Big deal. I'm still singing the "Mars a day helps you work, rest and play" jingle from 1992. And I hate Mars Bars.
I think as long as parents give their children the facts, does it really matter if they run around quoting Betty, Earl and Joyce from the Wonga ads?
No one gives a flying fig when it comes to those damn insurance-peddling meerkats.
The lesson here is one for the parents: educate your kids and then put your foot down.
Simples, isn't it?