Many and varied ways to help your garden grow

I remember a vicar who used to surreptitiously slip the odd cup of terrible tea or coffee into somebody's pot plant while muttering about 'other people's cups of woe'.

It made me wonder about the things we might fling on to our gardens that inadvertently do it some good.

For a fact I can tell you that the olive oil residue from a can of tuna has not damaged anything on our land. When I think about it, there's not much growing there either, but that's another story.

This week, I came across a list of surprise household items we can add to our borders and veg patches to help them grow. There were also tips on repelling the pesky insects and wildlife which invade our gardens.

We are assured that they will really, truly, honestly work. I remain sceptical.

But just for fun – as in don't take my word for it – let's examine a few of them.

What about keeping ants away from your paving and patios? As it happens I love ants. If, like me, you've ever watched the industrious little creatures labouring at speed, carrying loads twice their size on their tiny backs until some clumsy foot kills them, I'm guessing you're in awe of them too. So if you must banish them, plant lavender bushes and curry plants as the little chaps don't like either. It's a very natural way of keeping them away.

Meanwhile, if birds go for your tomatoes, try hanging Christmas baubles on the plants. A child's windmill on a mole-hill will apparently work wonders too. Who'd have thunk it?

Plants, according to my information, also like milk, while cats will be history in your garden if you use lion manure on the borders. Where on earth do you get that from, eh? Apparently, you can buy it in pellet form.

My favourite and easiest tip though is that passing water on your compost heap accelerates decomposition.

You might be a bit squeamish or shy about that one. If that's the case you might want to get somebody else to oblige.