I'm pulling my hair out over stupidly cruel PR stunt

My whole life is a constant battle to not get riled by publicity stunts, or crumble under the pressure of writing about them.

With fierce determination I expend energy avoiding being manipulated daily, to the point where I even look sideways at the drive-thru man just in case he's trying to make me fall for some Diet Coke-related shenanigans.

Everywhere you go, people are trying to sell to you. There's just no getting away from it. I've just as good as reminded you how much you love Coke, and drive-thrus, so maybe that's what you'll have for lunch.

Well, don't do it. Be defiant. Don't fall for product placement or promotion. Stick with me and be cynical forever.

Some things, though, seem to go far beyond even my far-fetched imagination. Trying to sell products is one thing, but trying to infiltrate our minds to make us buy into other people is far more disconcerting.

I'm talking about a video I saw this week, circulating on Facebook. I won't mention the names of the subjects because I don't want to give them further Google hits (ha, in your face!) but it showed a group of young men – idiots masquerading as comedians – going around cutting off other men's hair.

The video went viral. However, there's only one type of virus I wish on these men and it's an ugly and grotesque, weeping medical one.

The crux of their issues are clearly much more deeply rooted than the hair of those they sought to humiliate. But their point, they say, is to rid the world of those little top knots, worn by men. The affectionately named 'man bun' that is effectively, just a hair-do that is in no way anyone else's concern.

At all.

They said that there's a right way of wearing a bun and a wrong way. They don't mind big buns – one of the team has one himself – but are instead targeting people with smaller buns, approaching them from behind and hacking off their hair with scissors.

I can only assume that at this point you are staring at my words with a jaw slackened by the triviality of the entire thing. I thought of my precious friend Johnny, with the world's most beautiful bun, and how I would feel if someone was to approach him with scissors and cut it off.

I think I'd end up doing time for my own scissor-happy rampage.

Maybe, a friend of mine said, it didn't actually happen and it's all a big publicity stunt to further the careers of these might-be comedians. But on what planet do people think that cutting off another person's hair is funny? I would NEVER pay to see that person in stand up, tune in to their TV show or otherwise subscribe to their dross. I would happily pay to never see them again in my life, though.

Cutting someone's hair surely equates to little more than assault. I wonder how I'd feel if someone decided that blonde hair wasn't acceptable and decided to come at me with a pair of clippers.

I can only hope that it is a PR stunt after all, because the notion that I share a planet, and oxygen, with these spiteful, malicious wastes of space ties me up in topknots.