Mark Andrews: Raging against the machines and Rachel Reeves the flower-power queen

While using a self-scanning till at the supermarket, I somehow managed to drop my bank card down the side of the machine. Apparently, I'm not alone: last week three people did exactly the same, and their cards were still trapped in the vortex between the scanner and the bagging area. 

"We can get an engineer out, but it will be three days," said a member of staff. "Probably quicker to get your bank to issue you with another card."

What wishful thinking. Five days on, I'm still waiting. 

And the second automated command, when I telephoned the bank's lost cards helpline? 

"Please say or enter the three numbers on the back of your card."