Andy Richardson: If pantomimes are cancelled, we can always watch the one in Westminster
The roads are busier. Nature is in retreat. There are no longer goats in Llandudno. It may be a stuttering start, but gradually we are getting back to work.
After seven weeks of being patient and kind, angry motorists are again shouting from their windows at cyclists on now-congested roads. Ah, the very British sound of Road Rage.
Rishi ‘Next Prime Minister’ Sunak remains the Government’s equivalent of Ronaldo and Messi combined. While other Ministers perform as competently as a National League North second team after a heavy night on the sauce, Sunak shines.
Having extended furlough, he has achieved that rarest of fates for a Chancellor, drawing praise from both business and the unions.
His job retention scheme has provided reassurances for millions of workers and a million businesses. Without it, the nation’s freefalling economy would be in an even worse state. Though nobody’s answered the simplest of questions: When the bill finally lands, who’s paying?
The recession, however, is likely to be worse than forecast; those hoping for a bounce back and quickly going to realise that their ball is made of stone, rather than rubber.
While Rishi shines, poor old Matt Hancock can’t do right for doing wrong. Like his master, BoJo – or, when it comes to tough interviews, BoJoNoNo – he prefers benign interviews.
However, even fluffy Philip Schofield wasn’t taken in by Super Matt’s assertion that you could meet only one parent, rather than two, but it would be fine to meet four work colleagues. Or Something. The Health Secretary’s muddled-thinking was skewered by Mr Nice. When you’re lambasted by the world’s kindest, warmest-heartest TV presenter as being ‘utterly bonkers’ you know you’re facing heat.
Bonkers is the word used to describe booking systems at sports clubs after the Government posed the question: Anyone For Tennis? The answer is yes, apparently, as golf courses and tennis clubs run out of room. Covid-19 is breeding the next Andy Murray.
Some police forces have given up on the new rules and who can blame them? One man’s common sense is another man’s nonsense. There are packed tube trains and public spaces and the UK’s test-and-trace system remains conspicuous by its absence.
Theatres aren’t sure whether they’ll be open for festive productions of Snow White and Dick Whittington. Still, if pantomimes are cancelled, we can always watch the one in Westminster.
