Bojo the Clown, Brexit Battleships and Top Trumps: This year's top toys
Looking for some late Christmas gift ideas? Fear not, for there is a range of fun toys, games and activities which have been dominating the British market this year and offer something for everyone – even your enemies.
Here's a selection of a few of the most popular.
Bojo the Clown
You'll laugh, you'll cry, and you will be mesmerised as BoJo says and does things that you just won't believe. Everybody loves a clown and BoJo, with his blond locks, bumbling manner, and crazy antics will entertain and amaze in equal measure. Smile as he finds himself in all sorts of madcap situations over which he seems to have no control or understanding. The pratfalls, the trips, the gaffes... BoJo proved a pre-Christmas hit last year. Available this year in a somewhat slimmed-down version.
Operation
You are the leader of a body of people seriously in need of recovery after suffering terrible trauma in December 2019. In this delicate task one false step could lead to oblivion. In the role of Surgeon Starmer you need to take a firm hold of the situation and resist the calls of those around you who think that a transfusion of more red blood is the only chance of saving the patient. Is it the heart which needs treatment? Or the brain? Anxious onlookers are looking for a miracle. They ask beseechingly: "What do you think, Surgeon Starmer?" In this test of clear and decisive leadership your mission is to get away with saying: "Mmm... I think I'll sit on the fence on this one."
Battleships
The scenario – a threat to the territorial integrity of your fishing waters as a fleet approaches from France. Send in the Royal Navy! In this fun war game you chase French trawlers all over the North Sea. Catch them if you can. If you're having trouble, you'll have to row a bit harder. If you get past the first level, the second level involves sending the latest Royal Navy aircraft carriers, and the ultimate level involves sending Royal Navy aircraft carriers which are actually equipped with a significant number of aircraft. That version is expected to be available in the next few years. Afterwards celebrate with a plate of fish and chips with French dressing, and a round of grog.
Test and Trace
In this variant of the popular poll tax game of 30 years ago which was championed by the legendary funster Margaret Thatcher, your mission is to track individuals down in a population of over 60 million people and get them voluntarily to lock themselves up. As they duck, dive, and don't pick up their phones you must use guile, persuasion, and the threat of a hefty fine to make them comply.
Air Fix
There is a planet to save. Greenhouse gases to combat. Car fumes, smog, wood-burning stoves... To win you will need to build an economic model which sees the skies cleared of all air transport, and a power network which sees energy supplies sourced entirely from renewable sources, while at the same time finding replacement jobs in the agrarian sector for tens of thousands of jobless people who worked for airlines or at airports. An absorbing environmentally-friendly pastime which is a bargain at a mere £39,999 for every kit, with which every buyer will get a complimentary electric car.
Bournemouth Beach
A modern variation of the old party classic Sardines. You must cram as many people as you can into one place. Don't miss out on this once-in-a-lifetime activity.
Ker-plonker
A game which requires sheer nerve. Can you get away with pulling a fast one without dropping a clanger? As recommended by Kay Burley, Rita Ora, Dominic Cummings etc.
And we all fall down
Get together with family, friends, and strangers for this Christmas Day party activity for people of all ages. Conceived as a multi-player game, it is possible that the next few days will see an updated version with a last-minute rewrite of the rules. Involves scenes of peril. Once you've played this, you may never play another game.
Risk
Make alliances, break alliances. Follow international law, break international law. Join European trading blocs, leave European trading blocs. Be warned that this is notorious because once started it goes on, and on, and on, and on. You could still be at it over four years later.
Hospitality
New for 2020. Manage hotels without guests. Run pubs without customers. An innovative survival game.
Day of Independence
A smash north of the border. The objective is to leave the Union and stop living under laws made in London and to join the European Union and live under laws made in Brussels.
Top Trumps
Was a surprise hit in the United States but is being withdrawn in January to be replaced by an older model.