The party’s over, a battle is now on for survival

So the battle lines are drawn. Sir Keir will go if having a curry and drinking a beer was a criminal offence. Boris, however, will require an army of tanks to get him out of 10 Downing Street.

Thankfully, we live in a nation that has a free press. So on Monday the Sun said Sir Keir’s only option was to resign. That afternoon, he offered to do precisely that. The Sun responded by accusing him of undermining a police investigation.

The lesson was simple: resign, but not like that.

The journalists who’ve spent two weeks putting pressure on Durham Police now appear distressed that Sir Keir has offered to resign – because it puts pressure on Durham Police. Pot. Kettle.

A Sun editorial on Boris Johnson, in contrast, declared he had apologised and should be allowed to deliver on his promises.

The double standards have nothing to do with the fact that Boris welcomed The Sun’s owner, Rupert Murdoch, during a meeting at the Prime Minister’s country house, where the media baron reportedly told him to get rid of the BBC.

Murdoch also paid for lunch with Rishi Sunak, ate a private dinner with Michael Gove and had a lunch with Jacob Rees-Mogg.

He didn’t, however, buy a takeaway supper for Sir Keir.

The Sun’s deputy editor, James Slack, meanwhile, formerly worked for Boris Johnson as communications director and had a leaving do at Downing Street, complete with allegations of staff dragging a suitcase of booze into number 10.

Don’t imagine for a moment that it’s somehow awkward for The Sun to employ a former Boris aide who accepted his leaving do shouldn’t have taken place.

A Tory MP, Andrew Bridgen, wants the Met to investigate Sir Keir’s alleged Covid breaches, though suggesting Durham temporarily be relocated to London based on the outcome he wants to see might be stretching matters a bit too far.

The point of Britain’s honour system is simple.

Those who break the rules face the self-imposed consequences. And those who simply decide they have no honour break the rules and get away with literally anything. That’s you, Prime Minister.

And then there’s Culture Minister Chris Philp who says offering to resign is deeply inappropriate because it puts the police under pressure.

Boris Johnson’s suppression of the Sue Gray report, however, is fine. At least we’re clear that Labour politicians are guilty until proven innocent while Conservative politicians are innocent when proven guilty.

Of course, it would be funny if the police department that failed to find Dominic Cummings to be in breach of lockdown rules for Deliverooing the virus to Durham then driving to a beauty spot to test his eyesight now ruled against Sir Keir over a takeaway curry.

Still, we live in crazy times and I’m old enough to remember the time when Boris’s Conservative Party lost 500 seats in the local elections but most newspapers pretended it didn’t happen.

There are other issues, beyond the tedium of Abba karaoke parties at the most-Covid-fined-building-in-the-UK (yes, that’s 10 Downing Street) and whether drinking beer contravened a law that specifically permitted eating at work and also allowed politicians to mix with others if they were campaigning.

Back on planet reality, more than two million Britons can’t afford to eat every day – that includes birthday cake and takeaway curry.

Supermarkets are putting security tags on head lice treatment, baby milk and food because shoplifting has gone through the roof.

While other nations in Europe have imposed windfall taxes and found the money to help the poorest, the UK can only afford to offer people a loan.

Meanwhile, the energy companies that have put up prices have banked £7 billion in operating profits in recent years.

Oh, by the way, in case anyone hadn’t noticed, Northern Ireland and Scotland both have parties in place that want to break up the UK.

The ‘tech solutions’ to prevent a Brexit border down the Irish sea haven’t materialised.

And the UK plans a bonfire of EU laws following a Get Brexit Done campaign that was supposed to make the UK sovereign so that those EU rules no longer applied. Anyone understand that? No, thought not.