Mark Andrews: The mad world of Donald Trump, and putting traffic wardens out of business

Mae Muller sounds a delightful young lady doesn't she?

File photo dated 04/11/19 of Mae Muller attending the Music Industry Trust Awards, at the Grosvenor Hotel in London. Mae Muller has been selected to represent the UK at the Eurovision Song Contest in May. The 25-year-old singer will perform at the event in Liverpool with the track I Wrote A Song. Issue date: Thursday March 9, 2023. PA Photo. See PA story SHOWBIZ Eurovision. Photo credit should read: Matt Crossick/PA Wire

The UK's entry in this year's Eurovision song contest has caused a bit of controversy for suggesting Boris Johnson should have been denied an intensive care bed when he was ill with Covid.

Let's be honest, if we're going to exclude every daft kid who has made offensive or immature comments on Twitter, we'd probably end up having to call Lulu or Cliff Richard out of retirement. Or maybe Brotherhood of Man, at least the weather was good the year they won.

Mae also said she hated the UK. So she will have at least one thing in common with the judges.

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I do hope that Miss Muller lives up to her name by performing her song wearing a milkmaid's outfit while seated on a stool next to a nice Holstein Friesian. It's what Eurovision is all about.

* * * "I would take a bullet for Donald Trump because I know he would take a bullet for me," stormed a supporter as her hero prepared to appear in court.

Erm, not sure about that love. He didn't seem too keen on taking bullets when he got the call to serve in Vietnam.

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You do have to wonder about the Americans though. A few weeks ago, the clean-living Ron DeSantis looked to be in prime position to challenge for the presidency. But now he's miles behind Trump in the polls, for the simple reason that he hasn't been arrested for alleged felony.

Then again, Jeb Bush appeared far better qualified than Trump, and certainly far more statesmanlike and mature, when he was in the running for the 2006 election. He was rejected because he didn't own a gun.

Donald Trump – would he really take a bullet?

It seems the folk of Portland are none too happy about a barge to house 500 asylum seekers being moored in the isle's harbour.

I suppose it is not a pretty sight, but at the same time Portland Harbour was until quite recently a working naval base with war simulation exercises held every Thursday.

Still, I think I know of a better location, where the asylum seekers will be welcomed with open arms. On the River Thames in Barnes. Outside Gary Linker's waterside mansion.

Portland Harbour used to be a major naval base

New laws proposed by the Government could see employees able to sue their bosses if they are subject to abuse at work.

I think this is an excellent idea, and would encourage every traffic warden to sue their company every time somebody utters the mildest obscenity.

Within a few weeks they will all be out of business.

Traffic wardens could sue their bosses if they get abuse