Mark Andrews: No way to treat a hero, 15-minute cities, and the race to find the country's worst town

Being a public-spirited citizen, he challenged the thief and called police, before following him for two miles and helping the officers arrest him. After that, he retraced the thief's steps, and recovered a stash of expensive bottles of wine that the thief had hidden.

Now you might think Mr Brennan's actions warranted some kind of commendation, or at the very least a few warm words from the commander. What he actually got was a £130 fine from his local council for driving along a restricted street.

You won't be too surprised to learn the thief got off scot-free.

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The I Live Here website is conducting its annual poll to find the most depressing town in the country. And nowhere in this region is even in the running.

Isn't that typical? Even in the search for the most dismal place in the UK, we still get left behind.

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Peterborough seems to be the early frontrunner, having already recently been declared Britain's unhealthiest town. So if wins this, it will be probably be the equivalent of doing the League and Cup double.

The odd thing is, I visited Peterborough last year, and found it perfectly pleasant, with a very nice cathedral. If that's the worst they can find, they can't be looking very hard.

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Last week I was invited to take part in a survey on improving my community. Who wouldn't want to do that? So I gave it a go. For about 30 seconds.

The first question included an explanation that 'my community' would be defined as 'the area within 15 minutes walking distance' of where I live. We all know where this is leading.

While not buying into some of the wilder conspiracy theories, I do not want to live in a '15-minute city'. And I doubt whether many of the people promoting the idea would want to either.

Yes, some nerdy academics behind the research might dream of trudging a mile-and-a-half with shopping bags full of kale and tofu. But the actual decision makers?

I suspect, like me, they have no desire to see a generic European food retailer open yet another drab warehouse within a mile of their home. They probably don't want their village turned into some ghastly 'garden city' either. And I'll bet they don't want to live in a flat above a town-centre kebab shop so they can use Shanks's pony – sorry, 'active travel' – to get to the office.

Instead of bringing facilities within a 15-minute walk, making people more insular and isolated, we should be encouraging people back into traditional towns and cities, where they can come together, fostering a sense of community and civic pride. Problem is, that would mean those horrible plebs driving their cars. Better not put that in the survey.

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And that's the thing with 15-minute cities. They won't arrive amid great fanfare from politicians in hi-viz jackets. They will come through subtle changes to planning regulations, loaded questionnaires, and 'public consultations' that only a tiny number of people respond to.

That new supermarket on crammed onto a tiny patch of land up the road? That 'sustainable mixed use development' with its own cycle lane? All just another brick in the wall.