Mark Andrews: How to solve the housing crisis, and At Home With the Assads:

What with all the excitement of 2024 being the 60th anniversary of the Shropshire Star, and the 150th anniversary of the Express & Star, it is understandable that a slightly less important milestone may have slipped your mind. But this year is also the 60th anniversary since the creation of the Fontvieille district of Monaco.

In an effort to tackle the housing shortage on the increasingly crowded principality, Prince Rainier III decided to build an extension. Not an extension to his palace, or a block of flats, but an extension to Monaco. He filled the Med with rocks, and then poured concrete on top to provide the space he needed for thousands of new homes. 

At the time some people thought he was a bit, well mad. But six decades on, Fontvieille is a thriving new neighbourhood, with chic hotels, stylish restaurants, and a pleasant harbour. 

I only mention this because this week the Government has unveiled its own rather grim plans to ease the housing shortage, which involve concreting over the countryside to build unfeasible numbers of new homes. Once more, precious green belt sites in the Black Country and Shropshire will cone under renewed threat.

Assuming that actually getting a grip on the rocketing growth in UK population is now beyond the wit of our politicians - and the experience of the past 25 or so years certainly appears to back this up - perhaps it is time to take a leaf out of Prince Rainier's book. Instead of concreting over the green belt, let's concrete over the sea.

I can even think of an ideal location: the seafront at Brighton. The city's MP, the Green Party's Sian Berry - who once said she would refuse to co-operate with the authorities when it tackling illegal migration - would surely be well up for it. And if we build big enough, it will also slash the journey times for cross-channel ferries, making the booze cruise far easier.

I'm sure there will be challenges, like the fact that it is probably physically impossible to do. But the same could be said about tackling the housing crisis by ruining our countryside. At least concreting over Brighton promenade would be a laugh. 

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Don't tell me it hasn't crossed your mind. How do you reckon the Assad family are settling into their new digs?

According to reports, the deposed Syrian president and his fam own 18 apartments in Moscow's swankiest skyscraper. The City of Capitals building is the eighth tallest tower in Moscow, covering 73 storeys, with floor-to-ceiling windows offering distant views across the metropolis. 

Don't do it, Bashar. Better stick to a bungalow.

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Of all the countries the Assads could have sought sanctuary, I would have thought Russia would be the last one he would have chosen. It's a place where people mysteriously fall out of buildings, where planes inexplicably fall from the sky, particularly when they contain people who might have brought embarrassment on the president. And given that Bashar al-Assad has embarrassed Mr Putin in spades, I suspect he will soon become quite accident prone. 

Probably wise to avoid afternoon tea for a while, too, Bashar. And always wear gloves when using door handles.

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On the other hand, his new living arrangements have all the makings of a great reality television series. Or maybe a politically incorrect sitcom. At Home With the Assads, anyone?