Peter Rhodes: Scared of a cartoon character?

IT was lazy of me yesterday to comment on President Trump's alleged fear of staircases, known as bathophobia, and then leave the unanswered question: what is fear of baths called? It is, since you ask, ablutophobia.

WHICH is curious because you'd think ablutophobia would be the irrational fear of meeting the villain in the Popeye cartoons.

ONLINE, I came across an anguished debate between worried mothers, fretting that their little boys had developed a sudden fear of baths and showers and would scream and struggle at the sight of soap. This is not necessarily ablutophobia. It is more likely to be little boys being little boys. Cherish the moment. When the little blighters reach 14 you will be hammering on the bathroom door as they preen and primp themselves for hours, and the whole house reeks of Lynx.

IF you ever fancied politics but thought you were not bright enough to become a candidate, think again. If you have an idle moment, catch up with Eddie Mair's wince-making interview on Radio 4 with Dawn Butler MP. It is a long, rambling and hugely embarrassing car crash of a performance which ends with Butler gratuitously libelling Costa Coffee for not paying its share of tax, for which she has since apologised. But at least it makes the point that you can be an MP without being terribly clever. Get those application forms in now.

TALKING of cleverness, whatever happened to the cunning Tory plan to keep Jeremy Corbyn as leader of the Labour Party for as long as possible? Surely a General Election defeat for Comrade Jez would scupper that strategy entirely? Not at all. For a start, Corbyn would be under no obligation to resign if Labour got stuffed and, as we have seen, the party's electoral system makes it almost impossible to remove him. So win, lose or draw, Corbyn could be at the helm for years to come. And there is an even more tempting possibility for the Tories. It is that the Labour Party, now stuffed full of Maoists and Trots, will come to the conclusion that Labour under Corbyn lost because it wasn't left-wing enough. So the next Dear Leader could be an unreconstructed commie waving a hammer-and-sickle flag, and the Tories will rule for evermore. PS: My usual warning applies. Do not bet on any of the above happening.

IF you believe all you read, some“rogue landlords” are exploiting “vulnerable people” by suggesting sex in lieu of rent. This alleged scandal, unearthed by a BBC inquiry, includes one alleged victim who told researchers that she “just sort of went along with it.” Oh, please. There are all sorts of terms for a person who gives sex in exchange for benefits but “vulnerable” is not one that springs to mind.

THE alleged sex-for-rent scandal reminded me of the old yarn about George Bernard Shaw asking a woman whether she would sleep with him for £1 million. “Maybe,” she replied. He then offered her ten shillings. “What do you take me for?” exclaimed the woman. Shaw replied: “We've established what you are. Now it's a just question of agreeing the price.”