Peter Rhodes: Not-so-smart motorways

PRITHEE, harken for 'tis global warming in Poldark (BBC1). A reader wonders how, with Christmas approaching in Cornwall, a lover can find wild primroses to bind into a posy for his lass.

“IT would make my life,” Tweets someone from Swansea, “if the 'Ohhhhhh Jeremy Corbyn' chant became the soundtrack of this year's Wimbledon.” I can't see it happening, now that the young, educated classes are beginning to realise that Corbyn wants to take them out of the EU. Incidentally if that chant would really make your life, you definitely ought to get out more.

IN an interview with one of the weekend glossies, Geri Horner (formerly Spice Girl Halliwell) describes her royal approach to life's problems: “When I'm in doubt, I often think, what would the Queen do?” Interesting tip, although I suspect the answer is that the Queen would summon a footman, and the rest of us cannot.

IF reports are to be believed, the former Chancellor George Osborne planned to scrap 1p and 2p coins as part of a “radical plan” for a cashless economy. But what's radical about getting rid of all this useless pocket-shrapnel? For all practical purposes, the 5p coin is the minimum used in transactions. The copper stuff is a hangover from those blessed days when you could buy a dozen threepenny buns for a farthing and still have enough change to fix a puncture in the Zeppelin. Back then, copper coins actually bought something. Today, they merely wear holes in our pocket linings.

TALKING of money, as rumours grow of an approaching banking crisis, the scariest piece of news I've seen for a long time was the report that British families are now saving less than ever before. In the first quarter of 2017, only 1.7 per cent of household income was being saved. When the train hits the buffers we'll discover there are no buffers.

TEN-four, Rubber Duck and all that stuff. Ken Overton has fallen out with his neighbours near Bristol who claim his CB radio mast interferes with their TV. Ken is one of the UK's few surviving Citizen's Band radio users. He says mobile-phone contracts were getting too expensive while CB calls are free. This is what happens whenever technology takes a great leap forward. Some enthusiasts always keep the faith and stick with the old. A few thousand folk still watch black-and-white telly, exercise with hula hoops and make films using 8mm cine rather than video. Very occasionally, I slip a 35mm film into my old Pentax and create images the old-fashioned way, even if some people regard it as prehistoric. Watch the pterodactyl . . . .

SMART motorways, with the hard shoulder used as a lane and breakdown lay-bys provided, work perfectly – but only if people are smart. If they are a bit thick, and run out of fuel or enjoy texting and watching telly while driving, smart motorways are a death trap. As the AA reports this week drivers are reluctant to use the hard shoulder for fear of hitting broken-down cars, and then being totalled by the articulated lorry behind. Smart drivers want to stay alive.