Peter Rhodes: How's your family dynamic?

THE French defence minister, Florence Parly, warns that North Korea may be closer than anyone thought to building ballistic missiles capable of hitting Europe. Another good reason to be leaving.

I SWITCHED on Call You and Yours (Radio 4) to hear a particularly nauseating example of that dreadful modern language we might call social workerese. A caller, close to tears, described how her family had been shattered by the sudden death of a little child. The interviewer replied: "It must change the family dynamic." Ye gods and little fishes.

ANOTHER family dynamic is being changed. "We just can't wait to meet baby number three!" gushes the Daily Mail as Kate and William announce another pregnancy. Who might this "we" be? Even those of us who support a constitutional monarchy have had quite enough from the Windsor photo-opportunity factory for one year, thanks. On top of Prince Philip's retirement, Princess Di memories and wall-to-wall coverage of Harry and his girl, endless dissection of Kate's progress will give us all morning sickness.

ACCORDING to the latest British Social Attitudes Survey, for the first time ever more than half of adult Brits claim to follow no faith. Hallelujah.

ULTIMATELY, losing our religions may be one of the main benefits of a multicultural society. There was a time when we all believed that kindness and charity flowed from the assortment of gods, prophets, saints and holy men we chose to worship. But in today's Britain we see people helping at disasters and being inspired not by Bronze Age superstitions but by common human decency. It is a sobering moment the first time a religious person sees an atheist putting his or her life on the line for others. To do good in the belief that you will be rewarded in heaven is fine. But doing good for its own sake,with no expectation of harps, angels and eternity, has got to be better. Religion divides, humanity unites.

AND off to the optician for a new treatment. This involves a tiny vibrator which is run along the rims of your eyelids, tickling your lashes and scattering the accumulated crud and eye-mites of many years. Ordeal by eyelid-tickler feels exactly as it sounds and if you don't squirm like a serpent and laugh like a drain throughout, then your giggle buttons probably need adjusting. It reminded me of that unfortunate incident at the dentist's as a small boy (when I was a small boy, that is, not the dentist). He was running the high-pressure water jet around my molars when he suddenly touched one end of a nerve which ran deep into the body. I instantly wet myself. I don't recall anybody laughing.

I WROTE earlier this week about the bizarre emails one gets once your name is on someone's list. I have just been invited to enter this year's Sustainable Ireland Awards.

I DEFINITELY think Ireland ought to be sustained. Mind you, I also think it should be part of the United Kingdom. I fear I have just talked myself out of this year's awards.)