Peter Rhodes on liquid breakfasts, social mobility and tarts and vicars in the last chance saloon

I DARE say it makes perfect sense to my reader in Jersey who, when I winced at the idea of starting the day with cornflakes in a half-bottle of gin, emailed: "A half bottle? You wimp." And for Guardian readers raffishly experimenting with this new early-morning trend, be aware that it's only a small step from a tiny glass of chilled Riesling and smoked Edam on your balcony to a full English bellybuster breakfast and five pints at your local. And what are you going to do with the rest of the day?

IN any case, what about the health alerts? There's a common delusion among the middle classes that all the warnings about booze do not apply to them because alcohol is safe, so long as you buy it from Waitrose.

YES, I understand why Mexicans get hacked off at English students holding sombrero parties and I can see why Rastafarians object to white kids wearing dreadlock wigs at freshers' balls. It's called cultural appropriation and has no place in an enlightened society. But when Liverpool students are chastised on the grounds that their "tramps night out" party mocks the homeless, things have gone too far. We are seeing the death, by a thousand snowflakes, of the fancy-dress party itself. There cannot be a single costume, accessory or headgear that does not offend somebody, especially if they are the sort who enjoy being offended. Farewell, the tramps' discos. Goodbye to all those tarts and vicars.

FRESHERS' Balls? They are balls held for students beginning their first university term. Not to be confused with those grand affairs which used to involve debutantes and were known, in all seriousness, as coming-out balls.

MORE social engineering. In the pursuit of a diverse workforce, the BBC, Channel 4 and ITV have assured the regulator Ofcom that candidates for jobs will be asked about their background with the question: "Please tell us about the occupation of your main household earner when you were aged 14." But why choose 14? When I was born my father was in service at a country house. When I was five he was a bricklayer When I was 10 he was a building foreman. When I was 14 he had his own business, built a big house and drove a Bentley. But then the firm went bust, he had to sell the house and car and he ended his working life as a depot superintendent. Money comes and goes, people move up and down the ladder. It's called social mobility.

TRYING to put a 25-year-old BBC job applicant in a box based on what his father did 11 years earlier shows a deep misunderstanding of how real life works. If some of the people doing social engineering did real engineering, an awful lot of buildings would fall down.