Peter Rhodes on odd language, California at risk and virus-free ways of saying hello

Our changing language. A letter from the Co-Operative Bank tells me its purpose is “to ensure you have visibility of the fees and charges applied to your current account.” No-one would dream of using a term like “have visibility” in speech, so why write it down?

I was reminded of last year's idiotic letter from a booking service claiming they had earlier “reached out to you” when they had simply sent me an email.

Why does so much modern language in business letters appear to come from a Star Trek script, seemingly designed to be spoken in a deep, stern American accent? This is Co-Op Control. Visibility confirmed. Bank-account charges zero. It's English, Jim, but not as we know it . . .

Talking of our cousins over the pond, what will happen now that coronavirus has appeared in California? The me-first state that gave us Hollywood is not exactly the land of self-restraint or orderly queuing. Expect to see not only panic but panic with added guns.

I still believe some good may come of this epidemic. It might just teach us that the old days are over. We need to travel less, spend less, build less and breed less. National economies will fall but wealth per head will rise and our quality of life will be vastly enriched. Excessive travel, already denounced by the Greta Thunberg tendency, will become less acceptable as the contagion spreads. In the long term, this epidemic may be blamed not on the original source in a Chinese food market but on a wealthy minority of super-travellers rapidly spreading a virus which preys most on poverty-stricken and unorganised countries. In global terms, the rich are killing the poor, and in the decades to come the poor may not forgive us.

In the meantime, given that the traditional British hand-shake can spread the virus, how can we safely greet each other? The Chinese bow deeply. A friend from Sri Lanka recommends pressing the palms together at heart level and smiling. Tai-chi students make a fist and press it into the palm which symbolises both strength and humility. British Army officers salute each other at a safe difference but then usually spoil things by shaking hands. When I met a visitor from Afghanistan, he placed his right hand over his heart and bowed his head, a surprisingly sweet and genteel greeting from such a savage land.

Of all the options, I am drawn to a short movie documentary made in about 1900. Two factory lasses in a Northern city are approached by a male friend. Blink and you miss it, but all three make a slight bow. It's not the full Mr Darcy, just a little bob of welcome and respect. There could be health benefits in becoming a nation of bobbers.