Peter Rhodes on high heels, dodgy statistics and unwitting guinea pigs in London

Good to see the Sky mini-series Chernobyl getting 14 nominations in this year's Baftas. It is a fine piece, perfectly capturing the courage of the workers and the cynicism of their bosses. My favourite line comes when, having done everything possible to conceal what happened, a Communist Party official declares with genuine pride that the disaster has been dealt with “in the finest traditions of the KGB.”

The motto of pharmacists ought to be: “Suck it and see” on the grounds that many drugs invented to deal with one ailment have been found useful in treating entirely unrelated conditions. One type of blood-pressure tablet instantly cured my migraines while another was withdrawn and re-marketed as a hair restorer. In the past few days we have heard that scientists are treating Covid-19 with the over-the-counter painkiller Ibuprofen, the heartburn remedy Pepcid AC and the anti-anxiety drug Xanax.

I worry that the ultimate cure for Covid-19 may prove to be Night Nurse while the billion-dollar world-beating super-vaccine produced by Oxford University to kill coronavirus ends up as a cure for athlete's foot.

Reclining on her sofa in those controversial towering stilettos, the BBC Breakfast presenter Naga Munchetty was demanding to know how schools could possibly reopen before all risks were eradicated and the schools were guaranteed safe for the kids. Fair point. However, if you want a 100 per cent risk-free existence, you wouldn't be wearing those heels. And before the usual suspects leap to their keyboards to accuse me of trollism, sexism or misogyny, let me state that I would defend to the death (well, almost) anybody's right to wear whatever shoes they choose. But I would advise them to consult the NHS, RoSPA and the College of Podiatry.

The most cynical pandemic theory I have heard so far comes from a reader who suggests the Government is deliberately allowing illegal street demonstrations in London and using the protesters as unwitting guinea pigs. If Covid-19 does not return after the demos, the Government can take comfort. If it does return, they can blame it on the protesters.

I will let you into a secret. Lots of us hacks are not very good at maths. This may explain the sudden appearance – and speedy removal - of a story with the headline: “A fifth of Britons breaking lockdown as Dominic Cummings effect takes its toll.” In fact, 75 per cent of those questioned by YouGov said they were following the rules as strictly, or more strictly, than before. Only 21 per cent said they were following the rules less strictly and of that group, only 32 per cent mentioned Cummings.

So only about seven people in every 100 said their behaviour had been influenced by Cummings, which isn't much of a story. And if you throw those people's political views into the equation, it's no story at all. After a brief spell on a national newspaper's website, the story vanished. I suspect somebody arrived in the office who could do sums.