Peter Rhodes on greedy devils, a hard-up cathedral and the dangers of tinkering in the Crimea

Tut, tut. Twice during the fracas in the Black Sea I heard a BBC reporter refer to “the HMS Defender,”. When it comes to naming ships, it's either Defender or HMS Defender. The “The” is a no-no.

Sending a gunboat up the Russian bear's back entry is, of course, a grand old British tradition. In the 19th century, a popular song about confronting Russia began: “We don't want to fight but by jingo if we do . . .”

It was that sort of attitude towards Russia that gave us the word jingoism. It also gave us the Crimean War. Or as history may refer to it if we're not careful, the First Crimean War.

The smart way to undermine Putin's grip on Russia is to choose issues that make him unpopular with ordinary Russians such as economic decline, dirt-poor pensions and endemic corruption. The annexation of Crimea was one of his most popular policies. It is the worst possible place for the West to be tinkering.

Meanwhile, the latest addition to Britain's naval and commercial effort is being confidently referred to as “the £200 million” successor to the Royal Yacht. Dream on. It is a £200 million project in much the way that HS2 was first foisted on a gullible public as “the £30 billion HS2” or the first supersonic airliner, back in the 1960s, was touted as “the £70 million Concorde.” The final bill for Concorde was about £1.3 billion.

The latest estimate for HS2 is £107 billion. Whenever national pride meets commercial reality, the bills take off like a rocket. I'd be surprised if Whitehall puts the “£200 million” yacht on the water for less than half a billion.

York Minster, one of the most glorious buildings in Britain, reports a £2.3 million deficit, the result of Covid lockdown decimating the tourist trade. Clearly, a great cathedral cannot be allowed to go bust. So I dare say the Lord will provide, although it will probably be the taxpayers who sign the cheques.

Unintended consequences. In order to save endangered Tasmanian devils from a deadly disease, 28 healthy specimens of the carnivorous marsupial were transferred to an Australian island for their safety in 2012. The good news is that they have thrived. The bad news is that in the process, they have eaten the island's entire population of 3,000 breeding pairs of penguins, washed down with a number of short-tailed shearwaters.

One expert describes the mayhem caused by Tasmanian devils as “predictable.” Can't argue with that. The clue is in the name.

According to reports, Harry and Meghan turned down the title of Earl of Dumbarton for little Archie, fearing that he might have been embarrassed or even bullied because it contains the word “dumb.” At the time of their wedding, you may recall I counselled H&M against using the title Sussex on the grounds that it contained “sex.”