Peter Rhodes on a star's brainwave, a child's invention and keeping warm on virtue

Where this column goes, Joanna Lumley follows. The Ab Fab star proposes a rationing system, as used in the last war, to tackle the climate crisis. Everyone would be issued with a limited number of points to spend on “buying a bottle of whisky or flying in an aeroplane.” Lumley told the Radio Times: “I think we might have to go back to some kind of system of rationing, where you’re given a certain number of points and it’s up to you how to spend them.”

Ring a bell? Some readers may recall my own brilliant plan to reduce air travel at a stroke. We set a limit at, say, 150 million flights out of England every year. Each of England's 50 million adults is then issued with three flight tokens, permitting three flights per year. If they need to fly more than three times, they can haggle for unwanted tokens with non-flyers on the open market. I'm not sure how we extend this to whisky.

Meanwhile, what is COP 26 (It stands for 26th Conference of the Parties summit) intended to achieve? Some sceptics are already predicting it will leave Britain embarrassed and out of pocket. So, what's new? Britain's role in the 20th century was twice to take up arms against tyranny, not because waging wars would turn a profit but simply because it was the right thing to do. In the same way, taking up arms against climate change is a noble cause, even if it costs a packet.

Back in 1962 the American statesman Dean Acheson famously remarked that Britain had "lost an empire, and failed to find a role.” Maybe leading the struggle to save the planet is Britain's role We lose our gas boilers but gain a warm glow of virtue.

The world's media treated a child's suggestion at this week's Q&A session with the Prime Minister with amusement. As Sky's live texts put it: “A girl says she hopes Johnson will consider her plan for a water-powered car. Johnson says that sounds like a fantastic idea.” And that was that. I had a mental image of that crestfallen girl returning home to her garden shed where she has actually designed and built a car that runs on water. Pity the grown-ups never listened.

The initials IB stand for Insulate Britain and also for Irritable Bowel. Further comment seems unnecessary.