Rhodes on CBeebies, a US rival and going to war by inches

Happy birthday, Auntie Beeb, on the 20th anniversary of CBeebies. I speak as one who, over the past couple of years as a grandad, has enjoyed the Night Garden.

Life would be poorer without Igglepiggle, Upsy Daisy and that curious flying machine the Pinkyponk which, judging from the sound effects, is powered entirely by flatulence.

However, for a BBC product, the Night Garden has surprising moments of unwokeness. Upsy Daisy is a serial snogger with a skirt that flies up when the music starts. What sort of role model is that? And what are we to make of the Pontipines, those tiny characters of whom Igglepiggle declares: “The Pontipines are friends of mine although they're only small / And even when there's ten of them, they're hardly there at all.” Looks like a nasty case of sizeism, Auntie.

Talking of which, is the size of President Putin key to the Ukraine crisis? It's not something diplomats mention and the mainstream media tend to steer clear of it. But go online and you'll find much debate about Putin and “small man syndrome”, the tendency of some men to make up for their shortness (Putin is about 5ft 6ins) by being aggressive.

Will history record that the Ukrainian War of 2022 might not have happened if Vladimir Putin had been 6ft? On the other hand, if Vladimir Putin had been 6ft, he wouldn't have been Vladimir Putin.

In large, dire headlines, a national newspaper warns us that the price of a gin and tonic is to rise because of a steep hike in the price of mixers. Ah, so what? We will always find money for essentials.

Final thoughts on CBeebies. While the BBC has held the nation's kids spellbound for a couple of decades, the competition from across the Atlantic is stiff. Our grandson, now almost two, deserted Igglepiggle and pals some weeks ago for the brash American interloper Blippi, who teaches kids how to race motorbikes, and the colourful, feel-good Helper Cars in which cars and lorries rescue each other. These US products keep a small boy wonderfully entertained. The downside is that the wee one talks endlessly about garbage trucks and fire trucks and looks blank when I mention dustcarts or fire engines.