Rhodes on That Slap, a Tweetless peer and yet another crop of headlines thanks to Prince Andrew

At my immense age, not much surprises me. But I am astonished that Will Smith smacking Chris Rock at the Oscars is still blazing away on both mainstream and social media. Some days after the incident, Rock (am I the only person never to have heard of him?) said he was still “processing” the incident.

What's to process? If you make a joke about someone's wife suffering a distressing medical condition, you are extremely likely to get smacked in the mouth. It doesn't apply only at lavish awards ceremonies. The same rule is observed in every pub in England. If the regulars at the Dog & Duck get it, why doesn't Mr Rock?

With the ink still wet on his court papers in the States, Prince Andrew now stands accused of receiving more than £1 million from an alleged fraudster. There is no suggestion that the prince did anything wrong but even to be named in a legal action is the last thing he needs. For the world's media, Andy really is the gift that keeps on giving.

In shocked and derisory terms the Guardian sniffs: “The Conservative peer chosen to oversee regulation of the internet has said he does not use social media.” The peer in question is Lord Michael Grade, newly appointed chairman of Ofcom. He freely admits not using social media but “understands the dynamics” of it, thanks to his children. Should that bar him from the Ofcom job? Only if you believe you can't hold an opinion on hard drugs without first getting hooked on crack cocaine.

Like his Lordship, I have absolutely no presence on social media and no desire to get entangled in Facebook, Whatsapp or anything else. I have seen too many careers blighted and lives ruined by people thoughtlessly or drunkenly endorsing some snippet of toxic opinion.

Back in the 1980s I was on a working party looking at the latest newspaper computer systems. We all agreed that any system should have an “oh, s***!” button, enabling us, having accidentally transmitted any error or gross libel, to suck it back out of cyberspace. It didn't exist then and doesn't exist now and I bet many folk hooked on social media will secretly envy Michael Grade. I might even send him a congratulatory letter. Now, where's my quill?