Peter Rhodes on boring protesters, boring asparagus and a golden age for retrievers
As I write this in my chilly study, the gutters are overflowing and a fence panel suddenly blows over. Now, that's a proper English summer, isn't it?
A gathering of hundreds of golden retrievers in Scotland marked the 155th anniversary of the breed's creation in 1868. For the first 33 years, these perpetually-peckish pooches enjoyed a truly golden era, with grazing rights to any tit-bit falling on the floor. And then, in 1901, some know-all invented the vacuum cleaner. A black day for golden retrievers.
In the midst of a national epidemic of shoplifting, a spokesman for the Association of Convenience Stores says the items being targeted include meat, alcohol and coffee, “the kind of items that can be sold on quite easily on social media or down the pub.” Fascinating. If pub customers know there are knocked-off goods for sale in the snug then so, presumably, does the landlord. Suspending a few licences might work wonders.
Education Secretary Gillian Keegan says head teachers should drive to the homes of absent pupils and bring them into school. Bad idea. Knocking on doors is a job for specialised truant officers or the police. Red tape and bureaucracy already consume far too much of teachers' time. The clue's in the name; teachers teach.
I have lost count over the past week of all the references to Huw Edwards being much-loved, much-respected, cherished and admired. While I don't dispute his friends want to promote his case, he is essentially a bloke who reads the news, in return for a massive salary. While we may occasionally admire his coolness covering great occasions, most viewers reserve their deepest affection for sports stars, pop legends, war heroes and Hollywood icons. Newsreaders are a long way down the list of national treasures.
The Just Stop Oil protesters (white, articulate, middle-class) took their “message” to the Proms, maybe expecting some support from the audience (ditto). No chance. They and their message were drowned out in boos and catcalls and the general atttiude was “Oh, not those idiots again.” When you're howled down by your own social class, you've lost.
“When you've been through 20 seasons of asparagus, there's not an awful lot left you can do with it.” Delia Smith explaining why she doesn't miss her TV shows.
